Sunday, January 18, 2009

A Little Self-Pity

I'm feeling overwhelmed with life again.

Last week I took the baby to the pediatrician because he was really fussy. They confirmed that he had a double ear infection and also told me that he has Adenovirus. He went on antibiotics for the ear infection, and that gave him diarrhea for the next several days. The doctor said that if he gets another ear infection before March she'll refer him to an ENT for tubes. He's still tugging on his ears after 6 days of antibiotics. Not good.

Last night Jackson woke up around midnight crying. Mike went upstairs and found him in his room hysterical because he had thrown up. We cleaned it up and put him in the shower. I put him in bed with me and cuddled him until he fell asleep. He woke again at 4:30 to be sick again. I took his temperature. It was over 102.5 (I say over because the thermometer had still not beeped that it was done, but Jackson pulled it out of his mouth and said that he was done with it--I didn't fight him because I figured that we were giving him Tylenol no matter what the exact number was). He didn't get sick again, but he did run a fever until this afternoon. He didn't eat any dinner tonight and fell asleep about 7:00.

Prior to Jackson's waking up last night, Becca, Russell, Mike, and I were having game night. We were playing a nice game of Rook when my dog started going crazy. She was running around and acting like a maniac. Mike got up to see what the commotion was about, and he saw a tiny mouse run under my refrigerator. I have to be honest here--I knew there was a mouse in the garage. I saw him when I was putting away the Christmas decorations. I just didn't really care. It's cold outside, and I figured if he could get warm in my garage, what's the harm? But this crosses the line. My generosity has been taken advantage of. It is not okay with me for a mouse to be in my kitchen. I also have to defend myself and say that my house is clean. It's not just tidy, but it's safe to eat off my floors. I just don't want anyone reading this and picturing nastiness in my home. Anyway, Mike and Russell moved the refrigerator and the mouse ran out, but they didn't see where he went. The dog can't find him either. So, there's a mouse loose in my house--unless he moved back into the garage.

And this afternoon Mike left town. He hasn't had to travel much in the last couple of years, so this is new for us. He will be gone for the rest of the week. Then, in two weeks, he leaves for Chattanooga where he will spend the next 4 months. We're hoping to be able to work it out so he can come home some during the week and we can visit him when he can't get away, but it's still going to be a major change. Jackson cried himself to sleep tonight. I held him and rocked him and made soothing sounds, but it just didn't do the trick. He needs his daddy. This is going to be a challenge.

And so tonight I put my three precious children to bed, fixed myself some supper, and sat down to check my email. I couldn't sit still. Instead I found myself pacing the floors of my house trying to figure out how to make it feel right. I turned up the heat. I put on my favorite jammies and slippers and wrapped myself in a fuzzy blanket. I checked Facebook. I turned on the TV. I enjoyed the noise and turned on a CD in addition to the TV. I got mad at the noise and turned everything off. And now I sit here and type and wonder what to do next. I did this once before. Mike was gone for 7 weeks the last time he had to travel. I did it. I fed and bathed and dressed my two babies and managed to remember to put the trash out every week. But now they're sick. And sad. And it's cold. And there's a mouse. And I'm lonely already. And this sucks.

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