And they lived happily ever after...

Being Valentine's Day, it's only appropriate that I tell you a love story.

February 14, 2001--it was my first Valentine's Day with Mike, and really the first time I'd been excited about the silly Hallmark holiday. (I once spent Valentine's Day eating a Subway sandwich in a closed pool store because my lazy boyfriend didn't want to go out so he thought it would be romantic to take me to his place of work for a club sandwich. So, needless to say, I was a bit bitter about romance in general.) I wore a red sweater and a heart shaped necklace to show the world that I was happy about this day that I usually dreaded. Around mid-day, a dozen beautiful roses were delivered to my work, making my coworkers and all the kids in my class swoon. But that was only the beginning. When I got home I found my entire apartment COVERED in balloons, streamer, and flowers. My sweet boyfriend (who won my heart and later became my husband) had spent the majority of his day (with a lot of help from my best friend, who knew he was good for me) blowing up hundreds of balloons. I wish I had a better picture, but here's me sitting on my bed, which only shows a very small portion of the decoration. (The dog is my late pooch Delia.)

Oh, and then we went to the circus with my best friend and her current boyfriend and then out to eat. The circus was my idea, so don't hold it against him. Anyway, it was perfect and forever changed the way I look at Valentine's Day.

Now are you ready for the love story? Nope, that wasn't it. That was only a warm-up. Today was far more romantic that that.

I have been feeling pretty sick for a few days. This morning I decided I couldn't take it anymore and went to the CVS Minute Clinic (which is, by the way, the greatest invention of my lifetime). I thought I had Strep Throat, but I was wrong. It's just a really nasty sinus infection which has irritated my throat and made me feel like the walking dead. There really wasn't anything the nurse could do for me except suggest that I get plenty of fluids and lots of rest. I think I laughed out loud when she said that. Rest? For a mother of three? Ha.

We came home, and I must have looked pitiful because my husband suggested I go lay down. Then he packed up the boys and took them to Wal-Mart to do the grocery shopping. When I woke up, our pantry was stocked, the baby was up from a nap and wearing a clean diaper, the floors downstairs were swept, and I felt refreshed (even if I didn't feel completely better). For dinner I made cold sandwiches and canned soup, and my husband complimented me on the soup.

That, my friends, is love. A nap in the middle of a busy afternoon. A day off from the duties of shopping, child rearing, and cooking. No guilt for any of it.

Nine Valentine's Days, and he still wins my heart.

'Til Death Do Us Part

I'm taking Pastoral Care right now. In our last class we were doing an exercise on loss. Our instructor asked us to list these things: the 4 most important living people to us, the 4 most important roles we fill, the 4 most important abilities we possess, and the 4 most important material objects in our lives. Then, as he read a scenario, we were asked to cross off some of the items to represent losing those people/things. We were allowed to choose which things we crossed off, but we had to choose from the list. Early on, it was pretty easy. Although I would not voluntarily surrender my house, car, computer, or piano (the 4 objects I decided were most important to me), I didn't have to think very hard to decide that I would much rather give those things up that one of my children. No sweat. But he kept going. I was asked to cross off more things. Before long I had crossed off all my abilities (nurturing, listening, teaching, and making music) and two of my roles (daughter and friend). He announced that we had to mark off just one more item and we would be finished. I looked over my remaining choices: my people (Mike, Jackson, Ei, Aaron) and my roles (wife and mother). I cringed and marked off wife.

I am fortunate that this was only an exercise. It is not necessary for me to actually choose what things are most important in my life because I have room enough for all my people, roles, abilities, even material possessions. Or do I? Several months ago I wrote about all the balls I had up in the air and how I can't possibly catch them all at the same time (HERE). Individually, no problem. But all at the same time? No way. And it's still true. I haven't figured out any magic solutions recently. So, the truth is that I don't have enough time for everything and everyone. Some decisions are easy (I'll forfeit a day on the computer for a day at the zoo with my kids any day). Some are not. I realize that, without really meaning to, I've neglected my marriage. I crossed off "wife" for the purpose of keeping "mother" on the list. It's not that I'm having marital troubles. Far from it. My husband and I are perfectly happy together (well, at least I think we are). But in thinking about this I began to worry that we'll be one of those couples that drops their kids off at college and looks at each other like, "Who are you and where did you come from?" If I were giving someone else advice I would suggest a regular date night (monthly, at least) and setting aside time in the evenings for each other. It always seems like I'm having to make that big choice though (wife or mother?), and mother wins every time. It's so stressful for me to leave the baby (and the big boys, for that matter), so date night sounds scary. And the evenings are devoted to laundry and packing diaper bags and homework for our classes. There's just never enough time. So, wife gets crossed off. "Someday," I think. Someday I'll have time for everything that's on my plate. How? I assume more hours will be added to the day. Or I'll give up sleeping. Probably not realistic. So, it's back to the juggling act. I've got to get better at this. Someone keeps throwing new balls into the routine. Me, you say? Why would I add to my already chaotic schedule? I see. I have got to cross off a few items to save the rest. Okay. Back to square one. Some are easy. Others are not. I get it. This isn't helping. But what if I just lightly crossed over one item, so that I could erase the scratch mark later? Would it be such a betrayal of my children to put them on the back burner on occasion so that I could focus on wife for a moment? And, I wonder, wouldn't it benefit my children if my marriage got some extra attention?

I know my husband reads my blog. He mentions it occasionally. He even once commented. If you didn't read it, you should. It was so very sweet. So, Mikey, bear with me. I know that I cross you off when I'm forced to choose. I know that I can't be easy to live with. But I love you. You are the best father I have ever known, the most amazing provider for us, and the person with whom I want to spend forever (even when you're a cranky old man). I'm lucky to have you. I'm trying. I am.