Complete

I'm pregnant. Over the last 2 weeks I've woken many nights and smiled a smile only for God and repeated those words to myself. I've been through this 3 times before, but this is different. The first time I was scared. The second time I was overwhelmed. The third time I was tired. Now I'm just happy. I tried to think of a better word, one more civilized and interesting, but the truth is that I'm just happy.

I've heard people say before that they knew that they didn't want more children because their families felt complete. I've just never known that feeling. I'm not taking anything away from my sons. They're absolutely wonderful. My family is absolutely wonderful. I wasn't unhappy before this baby came along. But...oh, my...this feels so perfect. I know this is the last baby, and not just because Mike says it is (which he did) but also because I finally have that feeling of completeness. This baby is the last piece of our puzzle.

I've been reading about what he looks like at 5 weeks (which is how far along I believe I am). He's about the size of a sesame seed and looks like a tadpole with a tail and an overly large head. My heart melted when I saw the pictures. I've seen them 3 times before. And yet this is different. This is the last time I'll look at them and imagine the person growing inside my body. I don't feel sad. I feel complete.

I'm in love. I'm in love with the person inside me. I'm in love with the three precious boys who will be his big brothers. I'm in love with the husband who made these people with me. We're complete.

A 5-week old fetus